Sorry seems to be the hardest word...

Seriously, I don't get apologies. I don't really know what they really mean.

Korean: Mian* literally would mean "not in peace," so I guess it means my mind/heart is not in peace because of whatever I have done.

Jeusong* seems to mean "embarrassed because of a sin," admitting that I have committed something that makes me feel embarrassed.

English: Sorry. Adjectival form of sorrow, perhaps? I don't quite grasp when it is appropriate to say "I'm sorry" and when it is not. Some times you say it when you did something wrong, but then other times you also say it when someone else is going through a hard time. So a component of sympathy there, but doesn't it kinda sound like it is my fault that that person's in misery? That's why, when my hubby complains about having a bad day and I say to him, "I'm sorry to hear that," he replies, "It's not your fault." ..so confusing.

Apology. Though now it seems to refer mostly to certain speech or gesture that expresses acknowledgment of one's fault, shame, and regret, the origin of the word is more like an explanation, excuse, or justification. Not exactly what I would want to hear if somebody wronged me. I don't care why you did it!!! I'm angry that you did it!!! You'd better show some respect for MY feelings!!! ...I guess in the process of expressing regret, explaining how it happened, how it wasn't intentional, etc., may play a part in reconciling the parties involved, but.. the most important thing would be for the culprit to admit that s/he did something wrong, not try to justify his/her actions.

Spanish: Lo siento. "I feel it." I feel what?! Feelings of remorse, regret, repentance? Lo siento mucho.

Sometimes you just skip the admitting part and jump to asking for forgiveness. Perdón, or perdóname seems to be used more than forgive me but I don't know. Haven't been in a Spanish speaking environment for a while. Then there are uses where it seems more like a polite excuse me so it's literal meaning seems too strong.

German: Don't remember enough to really differentiate between Entschuldigung and tut mir Leid. Tut mir Leid kinda feels like me da pena for some reason though.


I kinda get the impression that saying sorry involves a wide spectrum of emotions including shame, embarrassment, regret, remorse, but often is also just used as a polite gesture without any meaning. I know I have used it so. Sometimes I feel bad about it, but I'm self-centered like that. Too busy with my own business.

I guess I sometimes get angry at people who just simply say "sorry" when they offend me somehow and resume the offense.. often by not changing what they do. Then they didn't mean that. They just said it to be polite, but they aren't really "sorry." I guess there is no reason for them to be considerate to me, but to maintain a polite facade while continuing the offense... argh. I guess I'm just too sensitive about things like that. Like I deserve only honesty. Like I'm not a hypocrite.

Still.
Sorry is one of the hardest words for me.